The free program, which is growing in popularity across Northern California as the cost of housing continues to rise, emphasizes social compatibility and lifestyle preferences, while also offering lower-cost rents for the tenants and extra income for the homeowners. Some arrangements also offer what the program calls “task exchanges,” or help for homeowners with physical limitations in exchange for lower rents.

In February, after interviewing more than a half-dozen potential matches, Linda met Da’Shonda Parks, a 49-year-old academic counselor at San Francisco State University. They quickly felt a bond.

“We are like best friends,” Linda said. Da’Shonda agrees.

“There’s such a synergy,” she said. “It’s like a match made in heaven.”

Da’Shonda, who relocated from Texas to accept the college post, initially applied with Home Match’s San Francisco office. But after looking at about 10 places in San Francisco without finding one that felt right for her, she expanded her search geography.

Her first Home Match interview in Marin County was by telephone with Linda. Da’Shonda said she felt immediately connected with Linda in that first phone call. When she visited Linda in person, she said she knew her search was over. She moved in on February 14 of this year.

Home Match Marin program manager Lucie Ashley said Linda is one of an influx of home seekers “who more traditionally would be looking for a one-bedroom rental apartment and are coming to us out of frustration with the rental market.”

“The average cost for a studio in Marin County right now is about $2,200,” Lucie said. “Rents with Home Match range from rooms with task exchanges — such as taking out the trash — at $500 per month, to $2,200 for a detached one-bedroom, self-contained apartment, such as an accessory dwelling unit.”

Home Match started in Marin County in 2012 as a service to help older adults stay in their communities and age in place. Now, the service has evolved to accept younger applicants.

“Our home providers tend to be age 65 and up, because that tends to be the population that owns homes,” Lucie said. “However, anybody over 18 is eligible.” She said the length of stay can range from several months to as long as six years. College students, for example, might just need a room for a semester or two — and some home providers might be fine with that.

Luke Barnesmoore, strategy director for Home Match, said there were 55 new matches across the program, which serves San Francisco, Alameda, Marin, and Contra Costa counties, between April 2022 and 2023 (up from 48 the previous year), stabilizing housing for 111 community members. During the past year, there were 5,094 inquires and 554 participant intakes.

Luke said Home Match can be a solution to ease homelessness among older adults on fixed incomes. Though the number of unhoused older adults is increasing rapidly, “older adults have not been prioritized” in the way that youths, families and veterans have been, he said.

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As Maya Angelou so aptly stated, “A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.” We all start as unfamiliar others before finding ourselves on a unique path to friendship. Each path to friendship is a one of a kind experience, with specific scaffolding forming the bonds beneath the friendship: perhaps it’s the phase of life we find ourselves in, or the prism of our personal experiences, or our sense of humor. We join together in many interesting ways, some to be expected and others from delightful surprises.

You know what all friendships do have in common? Friends put in the work to show up for each other. Contrary to the romantic comedy trope, we don’t just trip and fall into relationships. No, quite the opposite. We make conscious decisions to make time in our schedules for friends, to show up during hard times, to listen with open minds, and to hold those relationships in gratitude. Friendship is two people saying: I think you are worth the effort. Give that a moment of thought. Recall the last time you spoke to any friend in your life, no matter the context for the conversation, and remember – they think you are worth the effort of friendship. Worth making time for. Worth remembering to ask about your sister or how the garden is coming along. Worth reflecting how your presence in this world matters. Whew, that is strong stuff! This is one of the reasons friendships are so critical to our lives. They are a mirror of our value, our place in the world; their very existence is proof that we matter. 

One of the nonprofit programs I work with, Social Call, thoughtfully matches older adults and volunteers for weekly phone or video visits. Occasionally volunteers and older adult participants remark that this is an unlikely start for a friendship. In part, this is because 70% of Social Call matches are intergenerational. How radical in our age-segregated society! One volunteer said of her new friendship, “Lawrence and I continue to connect and deepen our friendship.  Age is irrelevant and what counts most is authentic connection through shared values, kindness, and giggling :)” With the distance between age groups in our society, it’s easy to think we might not have a lot in common with someone much younger or older than us. Ah, but the friendship scaffolding is unique for all! Bonds form for many reasons that have nothing to do with age and sometimes the age difference is a place of connection in and of itself. Whether the age difference is beside the point or the whole point, cross-generational friendships are delightful mirrors of the value we each bring. 

Another way Social Call supports unlikely friendships is that volunteers and participants live throughout the U.S. and connect virtually. They would never show up to the same book club or wait at the same bus stop every morning; there is no opportunity for chance encounters.  As one volunteer noted, “Social Call has allowed me to connect with someone that I may have never really got the chance of meeting, and truly have gained someone in my life that I care for and enjoy talking to.” There is nothing quite like forming a friendship with someone who lives many miles away and still makes the time to connect regularly. I have to say, it feels extra special, like the excitement of having a pen pal! 

Finally, one of the pieces of scaffolding that seems to underpin every Social Call relationship is gratitude. I’ve never met a more grateful bunch than the staff and members of Social Call. Every piece of feedback, every reflection on the weekly visits, every quote, is built on a deep sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the unique individual they are matched with, for the genuine sense of connection they build together, for the shared moments of vulnerability, intimacy, and humor. Social Call is proof that gratitude can provide long-lasting, sustainable fuel for meaningful relationships.  

This month, during National Friendship Month, I invite you to reflect on the meaningful relationships in your life. What is the scaffolding that binds you to those relationships? Is it connection over similarities or differences, is it the effort you put in to maintain the friendship, is it how they remind you that you are worth the effort? Get specific about what you appreciate and send a note of thanks to those friends. To be sure, the gratitude will feed you as much as them.

This blog was originally published by the Coalition to End Isolation and Loneliness.

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Each symposium is unique and the 2022 event titled “Rooted in Belonging” was no exception. It continued the tradition of being an enlightening and mind opening experience.

One aspect of the symposium that I find the most exciting is that each speaker built upon the speaker before them. They find engaging ways to weave takeaways into their own talk until the symposium becomes a quilt of creative ideas around each event’s central theme.

For example, during the 2022 symposium, Calida Jones, a musician and vice president of Arts Consulting Group, laid the first stitch of this quilt with her opening remarks, which invited everyone into the conversation. She said that “Everyone is an artist. Everyone is creative. I think everyone has a gift.” She added that “I believe everyone has untapped potential. They simply need someone to activate it.”

I couldn’t help thinking that Calida was performing that elevation and celebration with her introduction, calling all of us present, to tap into our own creativity as we watch and listen to each speaker.

The Community Music Center’s work with community choirs around San Francisco directly relates to Calida’s comments on the importance of having someone who elevates and celebrates your art. Through the Community Music Center’s support, community choirs around the city are able to thrive. This is due in part to their choir directors, such as Robin Estrada, who introduced the Bayanihan Equity Center choir and how they practice using Zoom. An important aspect of their practice are daily check-ins as Robin explains, it’s “important to hear everyone … because it creates a different sense of community.” 

This sense of connection is clear in the videos of the choir singing that Robin shared with the group. Despite singing in different locations, the choir is able to come together and create harmonies over distance.

Music as a sense of connection and belonging rang through into Tammy Hall’s performance and conversation. A soul musician and composer who has played at Carnegie Hall and the Lincoln Center, Tammy began her talk with a performance of her piece “Sermon in Blue.” She conveys so much emotion in her playing that it worked as the perfect scene setting before she discussed her personal history with music.

“I always say that music chose me,” Tammy notes. “My mother played the piano [and] I was drawn to the piano right away.”

I found that the collective experience of art was further built upon in the conversation between Front Porch Senior Director of Creative Development Katie Wade and visual artist Annabella Denisoff. Annabella began taking art classes in 2003 when she had partial vision and she continues to create art now that she is fully blind. She notes, “I don’t see what I’ve done but I rely on someone else’s imagination being an abstract painter. It is rewarding to hear what they can see.” Annabella’s art experience is a collective one.

Art and community was a central theme of Jessica McCracken’s conversation with visual artist Christine Wong Yap and vocalist, Nancy Simpson. Jessica, the director of the Front Porch Community Services program Creative Spark, discussed how Christine created the ”How I Keep Looking Up” project, which translated the personal passions of a group of older adults into a collection of flags that were flown in Times Square. This project, along with many that Christine creates, centers on belonging. “I think when you have a space of belonging that means you feel safe and accepted and able to be vulnerable, which allows you to take risks and taking risks is what allows you to grow,” Christine said.

Nancy Simpson participated in the project and her flag reflects the impact of music on her life. “Mine ended up being more of a piano keyboard with different rays of color coming out from it because in a way, playing the piano, singing, and music are my kind of therapy,” Nancy notes.

Poet and producer Oshea Luja continued the focus on community by inviting everyone at the Symposium to participate in a breathing exercise that concluded with giving thanks for everyone who is creatively aging and sharing that moment together. Oshea created a sense of belonging that everyone present for the Symposium shared.

Oshea’s talk weaved back in the influence of mothers, calling back to Tammy’s discussion about her connection with her mother. Oshea’s relationship with his mother helped him ground his sense of belonging. “My mother taught me the power of love. And love as I know it is the highest vibration. It exudes itself from itself similar to the sun and whoever is in its occurrence is truly alive,” Oshea said. When Oshea asked his mother about her story, “it gave me the capacity to articulate the legacy,” he said. 

Legacy and connection anchored Encore.org Founder and CEO Marc Freedman’s conversation with mental health activist Helen Abel. Encore.org fosters connections between different generations and the idea was born out of Marc’s personal experience with older people. “I benefited repeatedly in my own life from connections with older people who took me underwing,” he shared. “[They] made me feel like I was welcome and that made all the difference.”

Marc has found that “naturally, as we get older, we’re more inclined towards connection and it turns out happily that the skills that are so important for forging these bonds: empathy and emotional regulation, blossom as we get older so we are inclined toward relationships, connection, and belonging.”

The conversation about legacy was an apt final stitch to complete the Symposium’s quilt of ideas as the topics discussed and wisdom conveyed during the event have stuck with me even these months later. Each year, the Symposium reinforces for me the importance of creativity in living a full life and that the forms creativity can take in our lives are innumerable. We only have to look to see where it is already at root in our lives so we can give it the time and energy to flourish. I hope to see you all on February 9, 2023 for the 6^th annual Symposium.

— Kate Vermillion is Front Porch’s manager of digital communications and social media.

EDITOR’S NOTE: A full recording of the 2022 Creative Aging Symposium as well as recordings of our past Symposiums are available at https://covia.org/programs/creative-aging-symposium/.

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